Lastest health update

Generally, I’m still feeling fine. My blood numbers, however, have drifted a little lower. There’s no cause for concern just yet. If the platelets continue to drift even lower and I require a transfusion of platelets, that will land me back in the hospital. But that was always a known. Leukemia blasts have been showing up in the blood – 5% on 17 May, 2% on 21 May, but 0% on 14 May (and we don’t have today’s numbers yet). So it’s still there, but not enough to get me back. This is actually surprising.

In fact, during my weekly check-up with the oncologist today, she said she was very surprised at how well I’m doing both physically and emotionally. This limbo time is very difficult and following the rules is difficult, especially when you’re “free” from the constant monitoring of the hospital staff, but I’ve come to think of it just as another part of my daily routine. That’s the physical.

For the emotional, I can only say that this limbo period – waiting from hospital discharge to the time of the transplant, is, for lack of a better word or phrase, maddening. I’m neither in remission, nor cured, and the prospect for being “cured” requires a long and difficult recuperation period. There are times that I have begun to question the quality of life issues, but choosing to push up the daisies is simply not something I think I could willingly choose. But I wonder where the strength will come from for the future.

I have had the good fortune to correspond with another AML patient who is going through the transplant process. Although we’ve only exchanged a few emails, and I have read his blog fairly regularly since he received his transplant, there is an ephemeral quality about the stride towards life that cancer survivors have, and it’s really extraordinary. It’s not a flight from death, and it’s a fight for life. But when you’re fighting your own body against a cancer, it’s very tough and my normally rather stable outer shell is starting to crack a bit. I need a vacation.

So I’m hoping this holiday weekend will be a good one. I’m hoping to spend time with friends, not too far away, but far away enough from Philadelphia to feel like it’s break. It’ll probably be the only one I’ll have between now and very late this year (at the earliest).

I don’t like ending a posting so bleakly. So happy thoughts: Voodoo went to see the vet this week and she got a clean bill of health (thanks, again, Lenna!). Despite concerns that she might be older than we were originally told, we learned that she most likely is 6 … just as we thought. So my girl is good and that keeps me going. And maybe that’s my focus – I have someone else to take care of beside myself. Maybe that’s the key – to realize the world, and your part it in, is larger than you think and demands more of you and keeps you pushing yourself forward.

And that’s a nice way to end this post and go to sleep.

Strength and love …


One Response

  1. Hello My Dearest,
    Sorry I have been in “radio silence” the past couple of weeks – work was all-consuming – ratings period madness.
    Great to hear you will take a bit of a vacation, I am sure that will help you recharge your mental and emotional battery!! I may drive up the coast to get a change of scenery…been leaving with the morning early June gloom and getting home way after dark…I swear I must have that SAD – Seasonal Affectional (?) –Disorder…I…i guess I am like a solar battery…need the sun…(not to tan -gotta watch the skin now that I am of a certain age (lol)…but just to recharge and get the serotonin pumped up…..
    Wishing you a joyous and safe weekend…and love to mom…
    you looked great in the ‘fuzz foto!”

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